what are you doing here?

You belong here. You're independent and you're your own person. You're brave, you're beautiful, you're courageous, and sometimes you don't even know it. You can take on the world.

And no, I'm not just saying this.

We're born into a world where everyone doesn't like everyone, and people aren't always nice, and sometimes, that can bring us down. (Even though we shouldn't let it).

Because whether you know it or not, you're worth something to everyone, even if its just a little piece in some.

You're worth the playful insults that you give, just as you're worth every long held conversation.
You're worth the long, hard days where you just wanted to give up.
You're worth everything you've every worked for.
You're worth every last penny in your pocket and much, much more.
You're worth the smiles that you've given out for free, and all the joy you've spread.
You're even worth the struggles you've gone through to become the person you are today, regardless of whether that's good or bad or in between.

So, what are you doing here?

We're all heard that question. Once, twice, more times than we can count. And I'm going to tell you what you're doing on this place we call earth.

You're here to turn ugly souls pretty.
You're here to keep pretty souls pretty.
You're here to drive people insane with positivity.
You're here to fight all the bad souls life throws at you.
You're here, and you may ask yourself why, but just remember what you mean to others, what you mean to yourself, what you're worth.

It all sounds simple jumbled up like that, with hidden meanings and false messages. I'm not going to lie to you, it's not. It's much more than simple; it's a journey that you can not give up on.

A journey with a big old fork in the middle that reads turn to good and the other: turn to bad.
Because bad is ugly, and good is always pretty. Good can never, ever be ugly.

Good.
Can never, ever
Be Ugly.

So,
keep pretty souls pretty
turn ugly souls pretty
and drive people insane
you're much more than the things in your pockets and much more than your pain.

fight all the bad souls
with all the good
and never, ever doubt your self importance 
because you never should.

when you reach the fork
and it asks you to choose
follow your heart
and you'll never, ever lose

a slam poem that needs to be read but can't.

     Some of my friends have started blogs, and I couldn't be more proud of them. They use blogging to uplift people through their words and stories and happiness and that's something that not everybody can do. Kuddos to you, my friend. (You can visit their blogs here and here). 

xx

     I can't talk in front of a camera. It just feels weird. So, whenever I write a slam poem and feel as if I'm going to shout it out and convey a powerful message from the top of the world, it never happens. This has happened for the second time now, and each time I feel the need to laugh at myself because I can't talk to a camera (OOPS). I hope I'll be able to do this someday, and through this immensely awkward situation, I've found a new appreciation for Youtubers. Thank you, slam poems that I can't even record without laughing or being way too cheesy. 

xx

    After searching through tons and tons of archived posts over on Upwardss, these ones happen to be my favorite. Quotes from my journal happen to be the realest ones. 

losing things, gaining others

Life has been busy lately. I've tried some new things, which I've loved and hope to continue doing. Also, there is this thing called Finals coming around the corner. Basically, its goal is to drown you in school work before you're free for the summer. 

x

Next year, I'll be in high school. It's a scary thought, actually. Most of my life decisions will be made over the span of the next four years, and it's hard to know whether you've made the right ones or not. Live and learn, right?

x

I don't know whether I should or should not be admitting this on a public blog, but, I've sort of lost my desire to blog frequently over at Upwardss. It almost feels as if I'm being forced to write my feelings down and shared them with the small world of fifty three people that care to read it.

x

There's a little voice that's been whispering in the back of my mind saying that people are going to leave me soon. That's the thing about me-- I become attached to people rather quickly, and when they leave its almost like I lost a part of me in the process. Whether people know it or not, the more time I spend with them, some part of them or another is engraved inside of me. I don't like it when people leave me, or when I leave people, unless, of course, it's for the better.

pounding little drums

      There's that little something about languages that pulls me in every single time. I don't know whether it's the notion of knowing more about different cultures. Learning how to speak to more people in the world gives me a sense of power, and I would be lying if I said that didn't feel good. It comforts me to know that I can speak to people across the world.

xx

    Dance becomes harder and harder by the day, and my love for it is mostly the only thing that fuels me. Classical Indian Dance isn't always the easiest to cope with. Practice makes perfect. Determination will get you there. Leave other dance forms for Bharatnatym. Hard work will make everything stick. Those are words that I hear over and over again, pounding like little drums inside my head. 

xx

     Friends are always the best people in the world. They'll support you through every little up and down and guide you through trenches and help you up when you fall. They'll ride with you through life's crazy roller coaster. 

you're crazy, girl

Perhaps you've wondered as to what this title and url really mean to me. Maybe, you haven't, at all. Both are okay. 

For me it means to see the world through my own eyes, every inch of it, every dusty corner, every abandoned house, every state, every city. I want to form opinions by myself, unaffected by the viewpoints around me. I couldn't ever live in one city my whole life, let alone handle a nine to five job. I want to leave this world with the thought that I did know myself and where I'd lived all my life. My home will be the world, and I'll be alive & free.

I've written about my hopes and aspirations though as wild as they may seem-- through poems and short stories, and I've even told people. Soon after, they'd tell me I'm crazy (which, I really believe I am). And if this is crazy, I'm starting to think it isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

establishing boundaries

I'm not quite sure how this whole journal might turn out-- a complete and utter failure, which I hope it will not, or an online journal every person would speak about.

I do not, however, aspire for either.

All I'd like is for a handful of people to read what I have to write, and occasionally drop a comment or two. (After all, this is a blog of some sort). Yes, these posts will most likely be word filled, picture less blurbs, but nonetheless they will be well written (I hope).

I aspire for myself-- to attain hope and freedom, and somewhere along the lines I want to see the world how it is, not how others preach it to be. 

However chaotic and jumbled and messed up my life seems to be: I'll do my very best to untangle it for the world, and also, myself.

Thank you to those who will begin this journey with me, and stay with me-- until the very end.